Soo happy.

I often ask myself what happiness is.

I am getting pretty good in realizing how happy and lucky I am. This is the point right? To know that you are good when you are good and when you are wrong to get over it.

I also think that there is something wrong with my mind- I can get very emotional without any logical reason- with those strange mood swings- I suppose it may become a problem at some point.

I feel happy when I go to work.

I feel happy to see people I like.

I am happy when the sun is shining.

I am happy when I walk.

I am happy when I buy whatever I need.

I am happy because I will go skiing soon.

I am happy because my people are healthy.

I am happy because I love my car.

I am happy with my promotion.

I am happy when I am getting back home to P.

I am happy when I pole dance.

I am happy when I squat.

I am happy when I party.

I am happy when I drink.

I am happy when I eat.

I am happy when the bed is warm.

I am happy when I see happiness.

It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life
For me…
Wooooo…
And I’m feeling good

I hate tourists.

I hate tourists- I said it about twenty times today, but I really do.   

To make matters worse I am one of them. 

Who said that holidays are the time to relax and free our minds? 

I get angry more than normally probably because on daily basis I would avoid places like crowdy towns and busy streets, restaurants. Today is Sunday- meaning all tourists + all locals from Nerja are on the beach. THE beach is a rather small bay with grey sand (honestly I think it is the worse thing in beautiful and charming Nerja), when you arrive it is already full of screaming children and Spanish. Eventually you will find a little space- literally for 2 towels-nothing more.  

This is where sunbathing begins… put some filter, read few pages, drink some water, go to swim aaaand put some filter, turn around, eat some fruit, look at people, go to swim etc. depending if you smoke/drink alcohol/ have lunch/play with kids / kiss etc. your paradise would last for like 5 hours but as we say “desafortunadamente” a Spanish lover decided to show off in front of his girlfriend and find a place for them…. 5 cm from my towel- sweet, I love it! So as a matter of fact little running creatures that put sand all over your towel aren’t the biggest issue on the beach!

But I’m not complaining- it is not my nature + I love holidays, it is just for those who have to work while we are on holidays.

anything is possible until you make a decision.

I hate studying.
Every year in January a busy, exams period starts.
It wouldn't be unsual but this year I have my stressful job, some stupid corpo life and exams.
Last week I wouldn't dare to think that I would be looking for going back to work but yes when I woke up today and realised that the following 3 days will be full of studying I reaaaaly wanted to go to work- instead I have to study.
why do I always want more? maybe I should rather choose normal.
But i am not normal and probably never will be.
I always want more.

Corpo means brutal

Corpo means brutal.

More than a year ago I was wondering where to work. I have been working since in a huge British company that is present in almost every aspect of life, I'm a little trigger in its base in Poland, a month ago I was on holiday, I was skiing and I felt that I owe my life. I do not feel that anymore. 

this whole corpo situation might end bad for me. Funny thing is that I am aware of it, I know that stress is killing me, it's bad that I don't have time to have lunch and that people from the Company are my new friends. 

Shall I fight or let it go? I was trying to fight- kind of impossible, I spend most of the time with the people from work, it's so very scary.... 

I have Been in very bad mood recently, maybe it is some kind of depression, I have no clue, the feeling was horrible, nothing was making it better. 

I tend to think that surely I have some mental illness, I am never satisfied, I always find something to worry, and of course I'm scared, I'm scared of everything. 

This situation is very difficult for me, I should probably seek help but I'm to proud to do it. 

I went shopping the other day, I bought some presents and Christmas tree, last year I was so excited about dressing it and celebrating the Christmas time, this year I still haven't dressed the tree... But hey I do get some Christmas spirit we have a Christmas party tonight, last year I hated it and this year I was looking for it! 

I changed. My life has changed. I don't understand. 

Autriche.

Autriche

Here i am again, living a dream, 3 days of perfect weather made the stay lovely.

A little of speed, a little of unknown, sun and snow- everything what you need. I love my life and one thing that I'm sure of is that I work to live and not the other way around. 

It's has been a year already that I work in my corpo, I am definitely a corpo wannabe, I got my promotion pretty fast and I'm really into my job, I am also aware of the fact that I can easily loose myself in it and in its temptations. But I'm more than sure now that I want to stay me, the way I was brought up, where traveling and enjoying life is a part of life actually.

You wake up, eat, prepare and off you go, short ride by car, first lift, second lift, a little stop to finish putting all the clothes and protection, third lift and less than an hour later you are on 3200 meteres above the sea level and you feel free...

You get tired very easily, you breath and then you feel this extiement running through your vains, and the race starts, the race with your own fears, your own limits. 

No, don't get mislead, it does not mean you are the best but simply you owe your life, you know that it is only you and your head. 

Only 1200 km from home but so totally different.

Holidays.

Alicante.

I love being on the sun, I mean once a year. 

few months back I started my little research in order to prepare this years summer vacation. We had some criteria: should be a rather cheap stay, for two weeks and of course had to offer Spanish course, we didn't want to go somewhere we were on holidays before.

I made a demand to our beloved Language Abroad, we got to choose mainly between Marbella and Alicante, we had direct flights to both cities but at the end we decided to give a try to Alicante.

It is a medium sized city in Costa Blanca, many Spanish come here to their summer flats ( what you do not a have a flat at the seaside, come on!) it is full of little restaurants, shops, and it is surviving due to tourism.

In order to enjoy your stay you should just bare in mind one thing: tourist is a different species with different rights- once you understand this you will enjoy your holiday in lively Alicante.

As there are not loads of hotels and as we like to have our little kitchen to prepare bocadillas and other tasty tapas we decided to share a flat with other students. Our flat is located probably about 2 km from the beach (at least we get to lose some calories!!) and 300 m from our Spanish school. 

It is very interesting to get to live in a real flat in a real building in the city centre. I use to share a house with students during my Erasmus but it was nothing like the flat we are in now. It is probably 80 m large, has 3 bedroom a big living room, a bathroom and a kitchen. 

The funny thing Is that it is on the 4th floor and the staircase is so narrow that I really can't imagine how did they manage to get there furniture. 

Once in the flat you notice that the building forms sort of a triangle and in the middle you have windows giving the windows of our neighbors, the people use this space to dry their laundry and basically have no privacy at all. You can here anything that is happening in the building- at this point I stop to complain about thin walls in Poland- it is not bad!!

The great thing about Alicante (unlike in Valencia) is that city centre with all great restaurants and little, charming passages is located just steps away from the beach. I find it pretty expensive (as our last summer was in Mexico and everything was way cheaper, we compare). Spanish say that Alicante is cheap- ok if a very low salary is 800 euros and teachers earn like 2000 euros net, the rent is from 300- 500 than yes I agree it is cheap.

However, for us (and no, it is not complaining) with slightly different salaries it is pretty expensive. You should count a diner for 2 from 30-50 euros. You can get cheap fruit and vegetables, fish, sea food in mercado central (in Poland big malls are cheaper than mercados, here just the opposite). 

I simply love holidays! 

July 2013

Strange feeling.

It is somehow a strange feeling, this is the first July I remember spent without Lines and it feels weird. 

Not because I am so terribly missing it but rather because there where many changes in my life recently. 

It's been almost a year that I've been living with P, almost 10 months that I'm a corpo wannabe and I am actually having summer holidays in July- wow!

I assume this is the Normal reality, without summer jobs and endless trips.

For now I enjoy It but I can't help not checking what is on at Lines- I didn't realize how big part of my life it was- 11 summers?? 

Identity.

I smell french, 

I wear English, 

I work Indian, 

my lifestyle is American and 

my nationality is Polish.

So who am I?

I am me

Little talks.

            What is it G?

Well, I don't really know to be honest. 

What you mean you don’t know?

I simply don’t know, I don’t understand… I have had a feeling that I know him but know I feel I don’t at all….

How is it even possible? Did he say something?

No not really, he just didn’t want to do something very tiny but very important to me.

Why not?

Principles.

That’s it?

Yes, I think he didn’t want to do it just to show me that this is the way he is and that’s it.

So nothing really happened…

Well I want to think so… but you see … it made me realize that if something so tiny is a problem then what will happen with something bigger…

Come on… stop inventing things.

I will- I just can’t sleep.

Margaux in wonderland

After perfect Mexican holidays we are back to reality.

It has been some time ago already. We actually manage to have another quick trip to Autstria in the meantime.

My life is perfect now, it feels very good to be happy.

I feel loved, needed and enjoy all those feelings- I sometimes fear that is not for long but then I quickly remind myself that we are the creators of our lives…

So after my big dilemma here I am as a corpo wannabe- so funny at the end of the day.

It is exactly the way I saw corpos- rat race, little arrangmenet between those who are priviliged, everybody is complaining about salaries, work environment etc.

Working as a Customer Service Officer is hard but not unsupportable ! we all knew what job we take, we all know that french market (for which we are working) is one of the thoughest and we should all be not surpirised that they expect us actually to work.

I think it’s funny- I am being impatient about renegotiating the contract (I signed it until april).

xoxo

Paradise

They went to the Beach and felt so happy, so happy they could die.

I can't describe what I felt when the first evening we went to see the sea, we left our hotel, passed all the mexicans who are the most motivated sellers I have ever seen, once they see somebody with a brighter skin they start they spectacle:

-'hey sir how is you vacation going? how was the beach today? hey man how are you?'

Then we only had to cross la Quinta avenida to step on the bright and delicate sand.

The moon was so big and bright, it was shining on the sea, from far we could hear some live music...

I was speechless and felt so happy... The more was to come.

Sosnowiec- Warszawa- Frankfurt- Cancun- Playa del carmen

Finally the day of our trip came, after spending two months of holiday working and looking for a job we were off to Mexico, first we took a train to get to Warsaw, where we discovered that they have built a direct train taking you from central station right to the airport- what a nice, comfortable and cheap surprise!
Then we spent some night hours waiting for our first plane t Frankfurt, at first there were not many people, they started to arrive around 3 in the morning to tale charters to some famous destinations.
Happily we were in frankfurt we flew with lot with a little, nice embraer, then we had some troubles with gate changes, to our surprise condor just before embarquing chacked the weight of our hand luggage, fortunately they didn't weigh bf's backpack- with camera, computers, chargers etc we were way beyond 12 allowed kilos.
The flight was like forever, after my klm flight to japan I thought that all long flights would be the same- I expected my little tv to watch some movies!
The plane was smaller then expected (2-3-2) as a result there weren't tv for each seat- but it didnt really matter...
In general the flight went ok- the airport in cancun wasn't as nice, for sure!
We were stuck at immigration for 2 hours, waiting waiting waiting, it's just that there were probably 8 officers for like thousands of people and you know after a long flights it's really nothing you want to do!!
We finally got to our nice hotel and the holiday started....

Working in an agency or a corpo wannabe?

After few little troubles I was finally accepted for an unpaid internship in a public relations agency.
Just for the record the first one I was trying to get into, was a kind of favour for my mum, i was suppose to get an opportunity of an unpaid internship in the company that was doing PR in her company- as these kind of things like to end up, they screwd me a little bit.

In the meantime I was doing my little research about agencies in Cracow, the city that I moved into, following P.

I don't know whether the agencies I found in Cracow are good or not, the truth is that in cases like this you should check their projects and clients to see if you find them interesting,

So far I strongly believe that when working somewhere first of all you should not get pissed with the work and secondly you should like what you are doing to make it the best possible.
So I applied for the two I found, I was contacted by hr specialist from one and pr manager from the second.
Hr specialist has sent me some case studies to resolve and PR manager invited me for an interview.
I didnt get through case studies however the lady advised me to study a bit more the field and reapply in few months (youhouuu!).
I went to the interview to the second agency and after all they said the famous: 'will contact you shortly'.

Anyways interviews are the subject for the whole different post.
The 'shortly' took them a week (by the time I found myself a nice job) that I kind of suspended because I really wanted to do the internship (i may say that it is a kind of obligation at my studies but really you can easily get a confirmation paper from any company, If you really don't want to do it).

I wanted. I thought I could learn a lot during this experience.

You know I try not to believe people who say: 'yeah, yeah you will make copies and coffee. And I was probably lucky at some point because from the very first day I was writing press realizes, doing researches, calling journalists and making data bases. During few weeks I learnt really much,

Moreover I got to work with nice and helpful people and had fun. If only I got money for this I could do it longer.

Anyway one thing is sure- you will never read news the way you did before working in PR.

Being afraid that I wouldnt learn anything and wouldn't  like the agency I found some job offers on the Internet.

The offers where from IBM, lufthansa and capgemini ( well I found another interesting in Philip Morris but finally didn't have time to fully apply - it sometimes take ages!)
So I postulated for junior accountant in IBM and lufthansa and for personal assistant in capgemini. They all called but only capgemini hr specialist invited me to an interview. My overall impression of capgemini building and appearance of the people working there is: OMG I wouldn't like to spend years in this open space!
I am still waiting for the reply from caogemini however I did some thinking and I think, after all pros and cons I would probably happy to work as a personal assistant for some time - it might not be my dream job but I dont have one

Olympic Games 2012

42 million dollars-  the cost of the opening ceremony.

I must say I am impressed and disgusted at the same time.

Enormous politically correct show (or propaganda if you wish)- such a waste of money.....

22.07

I don't know what there is wrong with this date but every year it just gets me depressed.

I remember only once being at home for my birthday and I agree it was nice but all those birthdays when I am surrounded by strangers I only got to know... it's such a weird feeling... seriously!

I should probably get some sleep and try not to think about it...

well I know for sure, I BDAY sucked!

I slept a long time (which was good) but then my boss made me cry.... sweeet!
 

aux Champs Elysées

It's really incredible to seat and watch people on this famous street.

Young and old couples, singles, homo and hetero families, beautiful and ugly people of all nations who have only one thing in common: trying to get the sensation of PARIS... they don't care whether what they see is true or not everybody just want to be part of it!

I sat on a bench for almost an hour and all I can say is that the lyrics of the song are very true: il ya tout ce que vous voulez aux Champs Elysées.

it's a love hate relationship

So here I am after almost half of my summer job expierience and the truth is I love it and I hate it.
I hate it because I work 18 hours a day, I don't have time to shower properly.
But on the other hand I get to meet all those beautiful people... Our team is amazing but the best are some kids, you now when you hear something nice from them it just feels great, especially that it's hard to hear something nice from a teenager...
I have my favourites of course, unfortunately they are going home this saturday- I am gonna miss them and one of them so daaamn good looking!

I think the older I get the more sensitive I am- thats bad!

anyways a round trip to poland- challenge accepted!

xoxo

Resolutions

Everybody is making new year's resolutions- I am not. This is why I decided to make some using as a motive my graduation (you know I have to defend my work in two days but writing blog is so much more interesting than studying...). Starting from October 2012 I will: -graduate from journalism -graduate and become a master -find a job in creative agency -go to gym 3 times a week -loose about 10 kg -quit smoking, drinking beer and eating chocolate -be nice to people -care for my friends (I will write, call, send presents even though they never do it for me) -I wont be so protective for my brother -I will be nicer for my lover -I will separate from Internet -I will be happy and thankful -I will stop to worry -I will be the happiest person on earth Ok but until then I can continue my life. How pathetic is this post? Omg

Uncle good advise

My parents thaught me a lot.
They always had time for me and gave me a lot of love, thanks to them I am where I am and I consider myself a person that thinks, in general.

However I went to visit my auntie yesterday and she really pissed me off and made me cry trying to convince me that my loved one is not for me and that I should find myslef someone better.

This is where I started to believe in brainwash.
I heard about people, mostly girls who are under such influence of parents or family that totally lose the possibility of thinking and making decisions.
Obviously, I didn't believe that.
But when I started to cry yesterday it wasn't because I wasn't sure of my ideas and of my love for P but because I felt kind of weak and I really can't explain it because there wasn't a single thing in her speech that I would do the way she sees it.

Mainly she proposed me to move back with my parents, study in my home town, leave P, find a rich and young guy, next get married and next move in with my husband and learn to live together.
oh and of course a huge pathetic wedding and church marriage is obligatory, she also told me that she was sure that my parents didn't accept P either...

"marriage gives "cement" to you relationship- you start to care for each other" as if living without marriage isn't worth anything because once people are married they start to work on the relationship.

???? SERIOUSLY????!!! 40 % of marriages in Poland split, home abuse is very common and seriously I should buy the crap about importance of the alliance called marriage??

well this visit was so strange mainly because my ideas are totally opposite but there was no discussion she was only critising my points.

I felt as if I was 12 stubborn kid who doesn't know anything.
I totally agree, that I did suffer in my life and I will do whatever I can not to suffer in my life but who knows where will I be in 20 years?
Probably I will be suffering, probably I will be worried a lot in my life but noone can save me from living my life.

Sooo thanks to that day I lost interest in marriage- it sounds pathetic

what a feeling

So here is the thing, I started to analyse it after I passed out the fourth or fifth time in my life- it is such a strange feeling.

Usually its easy to forget but this time I made efforts to keep it in my mind.

I felt as if I was in bed, and I felt so unbelivable comfortable that I didn’t want it to end any time soon. 

I felt that I was smiling and felt soo sooo good and then the feeling of waking up came…

And I started to hear the voices like: “come on! You hear me?! Wake up!” and saw all my class mated standing around me and checking me out.

Then I started to remember what happened I was dramatically pale and couldn’t stand up without getting dizzy for few good minutes…