sobota, 14 grudnia 2013

Corpo means brutal

Corpo means brutal.
More than a year ago I was wondering where to work. I have been working since in a huge British company that is present in almost every aspect of life, I'm a little trigger in its base in Poland, a month ago I was on holiday, I was skiing and I felt that I owe my life. I do not feel that anymore. 
this whole corpo situation might end bad for me. Funny thing is that I am aware of it, I know that stress is killing me, it's bad that I don't have time to have lunch and that people from the Company are my new friends. 
Shall I fight or let it go? I was trying to fight- kind of impossible, I spend most of the time with the people from work, it's so very scary.... 
I have Been in very bad mood recently, maybe it is some kind of depression, I have no clue, the feeling was horrible, nothing was making it better. 
I tend to think that surely I have some mental illness, I am never satisfied, I always find something to worry, and of course I'm scared, I'm scared of everything. 
This situation is very difficult for me, I should probably seek help but I'm to proud to do it. 
I went shopping the other day, I bought some presents and Christmas tree, last year I was so excited about dressing it and celebrating the Christmas time, this year I still haven't dressed the tree... But hey I do get some Christmas spirit we have a Christmas party tonight, last year I hated it and this year I was looking for it! 
I changed. My life has changed. I don't understand. 


Here i am again, living a dream, 3 days of perfect weather made the stay lovely.
A little of speed, a little of unknown, sun and snow- everything what you need. I love my life and one thing that I'm sure of is that I work to live and not the other way around. 
It's has been a year already that I work in my corpo, I am definitely a corpo wannabe, I got my promotion pretty fast and I'm really into my job, I am also aware of the fact that I can easily loose myself in it and in its temptations. But I'm more than sure now that I want to stay me, the way I was brought up, where traveling and enjoying life is a part of life actually.
You wake up, eat, prepare and off you go, short ride by car, first lift, second lift, a little stop to finish putting all the clothes and protection, third lift and less than an hour later you are on 3200 meteres above the sea level and you feel free...
You get tired very easily, you breath and then you feel this extiement running through your vains, and the race starts, the race with your own fears, your own limits. 
No, don't get mislead, it does not mean you are the best but simply you owe your life, you know that it is only you and your head. 
Only 1200 km from home but so totally different.